The Cyclical Hell of Dating App

Rezkyro Poltak Samuel Pasaribu
5 min readJun 21, 2022

Ah man, the dating apps experience. it was around March 2021 when I was first introduced to dating apps by a group of friends. Back then I had a really hard time interacting with women my age who is around 26 years old at that time and when I do like someone, it is not up to my standard.

here comes the savior in the digital age

Photo by Good Faces Agency on Unsplash

not my hands obviously, mine’s a little chub chub, I tried around 3 dating apps, which would be Tinder, Bumble, and Coffee Meets Bagels. Different apps do have a different approach to how the conversation would start, it sets as a way to differentiate their online interactions between the apps.

so here goes the steps to go to hell

Setting Up The Profile

man this part sucks but it's also the most important part.

1. Photo

The first thing you need to have is a really really good picture which then tells you “what kind of person you are”. maybe you like riding horses? well go to a local stable and have a picture with a horse, I mean it's obvious, doesn't it? you wouldn’t put a picture of your profile if you don't really like it.

The main point is, that the majority of humans determine their point of attraction from visual aspects. which is again your picture.

attractiveness is an abstract concept, people have different standards, maybe you are genetically good-looking? maybe you could show off your wealth, vacation, and jobs. Basically an internet persona.

My tip: don't use a lot of photo filters or face-altering filters. don't use a professional photographer to take your picture.

2. Description

For the love of all that is holy, WRITE SOMETHING PLEASE. I'm a stranger, I wouldn't know anything inside your head if you don't write it. Jesus, out of all the profiles I’ve met around 20% have described themselves or their hobbies or something.

Remember that famous Feel-o-sopher? ya boy Socrates? He said to know and examine yourself then you could know the meaning of life. Well, let's take a look In Indonesia, here people don't really know or have the habit of writing something. Thus describing themselves with less than 200 characters would be a gigantic undertaking.

the usual description of someone’s bio in Indonesia would be “ordinary woman”.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO OPEN A CONVERSATION WITH THAT? JEEZ. then proceed to answer my question like an AI from Facebook.

3. Basic Bio

Well uh, this is pretty easy to make, they have several options you could just tap, such as Astrology, Height (ew discriminatory), weight (some of them are fatphobic), or maybe you could state your drinking habits (best way to tell if you are an alcoholic), even political alignment. but it's categorical as in you could tap by the number of options they provide.

4. Welcome To Hell Baby

Now if you filled all of that bio, congrats you have created your internet dating persona!

the next step would be swipe swipe swipe baby

That my friend is an online dating hell. The idea is you swipe on which people you like, and if both of you swipe right (it means alike) you can proceed to the chat room.

step 1. swipe it baby

step 2. chat

step 3. if it works out you could meet up

step 4. the meet-up failed/he/she/they/them didn’t actually match your criteria

repeat the steps until you find your true love.

Now I’ve been on dating apps for over a year and I’ve met around 20 women around my age. some of them are really nice and we’ve been friends until this day, but out of the 20 women I met, I’ve swiped over 1000 ish profiles, chatting with 5–9 different people at the same time, I have to remember their nicknames, their hobby’s, etc etc.

it’s tiring

its hell

but the apps gave us almost unlimited choices of people we could swipe or possibly connect on. You are trying to build a relationship, but the almost unlimited choices mean you can easily cut off the people you chat with.

if he/she/they/them doesn't live up to your expectation, you know what to do? yes, you swipe again. you chat with some people, do some meetups, and suddenly she does something that disgust or offends you, then after the meetups, you say goodbye and never text her again.

and it's time YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS

That’s right ladies and gentlemen time to swipe the apps again!

could you get out of this hell?

5. Salvation

Like the almighty gave you an obvious sign, with the song “there she goes, there she goes again” by the Sixpence None The Richer playing (is it playing in your head right now? Nyse), you have finally found the one and decide to delete the app.

Sadly it's not that easy, but at least I do know how to achieve it.

How you might ask?

Determine the goal of why do you use the app, is it for a serious relationship? is it for one night stand, finding sugar daddies, or maybe Amigos con beneficio or the English translation would be Friends With Barbarian.

without any clear goal, you wouldn’t even finish using the app, its gonna be there notifying you with the popups that someone messaging you. Teasing you to open the app again.

would it be easy? of course not, finding a meaningful relationship is hard, a relationship would mean you are working together to be a better person, a partner who could understand you, correct you, and sometimes heal you.

To find that person, there are massive obstacles in front of you, as you meet and converse with different people on the apps it is also one of the ways to learn how to talk to people, how to give a better value to yourself, some kind of journey.

set a goal, and you will find your other half soon enough.

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Rezkyro Poltak Samuel Pasaribu

An Indonesian with massive interest in politics, Law, and pop culture.